I think it's called imposter syndrome...
How it's showing up for me and what I'm doing to work through it
I’ve been struggling with my mind on the course lately and it’s having an impact on how I’ve been feeling and playing out there. As I reflect on why, two words come to me: expectation and enough.
I’ve been going out to play, not with a hope for incremental improvements, but a (self-imposed) pressure to achieve exponential gains.
I’ve been reaching for those big leaps, rather than being happy with small steps in the right direction.
The signs of imposter syndrome
After a conversation with friends, the term imposter syndrome came up. In a nutshell, it’s described as:
Thinking people have an exaggerated view of your abilities
The fear of being exposed as a fraud
The continuous tendency to downplay your achievements
Tick. Tick. Tick. Those three bullets capture exactly what I’ve been thinking, feeling and doing.
Even though I know I shouldn’t, I worry about what other people expect of me and if I’ll live up to it. I beat myself up when I hit a shot “someone who plays off single figures” shouldn’t. And I’ll brush off my achievements, while letting my failures fill my mind.
I’ve been aware of these tendencies throughout my golf (and life) journey but it feels like they have sneakily snowballed in the last month or so.
Who doesn’t love a challenge
With the awareness that I’ve been letting Imposter Jess drive, here are 3 experiments I’m going to run to bring out Confident Jess:
Set my own “enough” goals
I’m going to focus on those incremental improvements. What would feel like “enough” for today? After all, it’s the small steps that add up to those big leaps anyway.
Keep a boost bank
I’m going to list the shots I’m proud of and return to it when my mind starts moving to those that should have gone better.
Measure what matters to me
I’m going to measure more than my scores, by being mindful of how I’m feeling while I’m playing. And do my best to detach my sense of self-worth to whether I’ve had a “successful” round or not.
To be continued…
As uncomfortable as this feels to experience, I know we hit upon these inner hurdles for a reason – to keep growing – and I’m excited to see what impact the experiments above have.
If you’re reading this thinking “that’s me too, Jess”, I hope you’ll give the experiments a go with me.
Hi Jess!
Yes I feel EXACTLY the same..
I’ve been working really hard on my game and so I feel damned if I do a damned if don’t… in that if I don’t play well ,or score well , or hit it well ‘people’ think it’s awful for a single figure player to be like that , or if I do play well , score well , hit well… well that’s what I’m supposed to do !
I put too much pressure on my game in competition, and too much expectation and disappointment follows when I can’t translate my practice onto the course..
I definitely need to list the good things , the incremental gains and build from that !
Hi Jess. You are remarkable and willing to put yourself out there, expressing your demons and concerns. You certainly are no imposter and have achieved so much in such a short time playing golf. You’re willing to examine and understand your self-analysis and input from friends – I am sure your three experiments will be a good foundation for moving forward. This has served as good eye opener for me and I’ll be giving the experiments a run, to help bring out Confident Paul.